1 God is our refuge and strength, 
   an ever-present help in trouble. 
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way 
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 
3 though its waters roar and foam 
   and the mountains quake with their surging. (Psalm 46:1-3)

Boy did I need this. I have been in such a dark place for quite some time, now.  I realized that I was in that place during the summer.  I didn't feel my closeness with God as I once had.  I felt anger.  Anger for Him taking my son.  I totally turned my back on Him. I didn't want church, didn't even want to be around anyone that was associated with church. 

Imagine that now.  Here I am, the one who started this ministry and now I have turned my back on God?  What was I thinking.  All I wanted was my son back.

Someone once told me that I was going through grievance backward.  Now I know that they were right.  I realized a couple of months ago where I was at spiritually.  It took me time to get there and it is taking me time to get back.

I constantly pray to our Heavenly Father, that I want that closeness with Him again.  The closeness that we had when Alex died.  God has said to me, "I am right here.  I always have been and always will be."

I am a member of myfitnesspal.com and someone had posted the above verses.  I saw that mountain fall into the sea when Alex died.  I allowed myself to go back to that place and let go of my Refuge and Strength.

I wanted to share this with you, so you may share it with others.  God is always with us, if we want Him.  He never turned His back on me.  I turned mine on Him.  Don't think that you are losing your mind if you ever get to that place, just don't stay there.  He is there for all of us, when we are ready to be carried.  We just need to reach out and let Him take our hand or just pick us up.

Blessings,

Nancy